DID YOU SAY SHAMUTA?

THROUGHOUT THE LONG COLD WINTER, THE DOCTOR WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO ENJOY A WEST COAST B-TRIP, THAT BY CHANCE ENROLLED HER INTO A TRAINING CLASS FOR SHAMUTA'S.

IF YOU ARE NOT PRIVY TO THIS GROUP, SEEMS AS THOUGH THERE IS AN ENTIRE CULT SCATTERED ABOUT THE US OF A. THE QUEEN SHAMUTA'S - THOSE WHO TAKE S.I.T'S (SHAMUTAS IN TRAINING) UNDER THEIR WINGS TO A LIFE OF ALLEGED WHOREDOM (FOR LACK OF A BETTER TERM) WHO WILL STOP AT NOTHING UNTIL THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT - YOUR SOUL.

THERE ARE TWO KNOWN QUEENS LIVING CURRENTLY IN THE US. THEIR GOAL IN LIFE IS TO TURN OUT AS MANY SHAMUTA'S AS POSSIBLE.

BRIGHT, INNOCENT, ATTRACTIVE MIDDLE AGED WOMEN ARE OFTEN RECRUITED INTO THIS CULT WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THEM. UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE. ONCE THE TOASTER OVEN ARRIVES IN THE MAIL, THEY CAN NEVER TURN BACK.

TO DATE, KNOWN SHAMUTAS ARE OF MEDITERRANEAN DESCENT - DARK HAIR, DARK EYES, DARK HUMOR. THEY CAN BE ITALIAN OR LEBANESE. CURRENTLY, THERE ARE NO KNOWN IRISH SHAMUTAS - UNLESS THEY ARE HALF BREEDS (LIKE THE DOCTOR)

IF YOU SUSPECT ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS HAS BEEN RECRUITED, AND IS A SHAMUTA IN TRAINING - APPROACH THESE WOMEN CAREFULLY AS THEY MAY BE DANGEROUS ( RUMOR HAS IT THAT THEY WILL STEAL THE PATE RIGHT FROM YOUR HAND. A TELL TALE SIGN OF A QUEEN SHAMUTA IS HER EATING HABITS AS SHE ENJOYS DINING ON RING DINGS AND RIPPLE WINE (sounds like a Spartan from 20 years ago!) SIT'S CAN USUALLY BE FOUND ENJOYING DRY CHAMPAGNE, STRAWBERRIES, AND A NICE SOFT RIPENED CHEESE IN A BUBBLE TUB. (before the ripple stage occurs)

WHAT EVER YOU DO, DO NOT LOOK INTO THEIR DEEP, DARK EYES OR YOU TO WILL BE LIVING A LIFE OF HELL AS A TRAINEE.

BEING A SHAMUTA CAN BE COMPARED TO BEING A SPARTAN - IT IS A LIFESTYLE, AND ONE NOT TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY

stay tuned for WHO KILLED JENNY SCHECTER (THE DR.SAYS SHE DID HERSELF)