“Chateau Cardboard”
The first brainstorm to dump wine in a box came from a South Australian named Tom Angove, a wine maker who must have been bored, or simply could not afford bottles and corks. Needless to say, Mr. Angove received a patent for his “idea” in April of 1965 . In Australia, it’s known as a “goon” which makes it's comsumer's goonies....(cheese selection - Velveeta or Cheese Whiz)
Beer
Did you know that Beer is the world’s oldest and most popular alcoholic beverage? And what variety! Ale, lager, pale, dark, and just plain old rot-gut (Red Dog is a fine example of the latter) And much like Chateau Cardboard, someone had the warped idea to package in small bottles before moving up to keg sized bombs. Thankfully it has not been packaged in cardboard just yet. (cheese selection - pretzels)
Martini
What used to be a succulent blend of gin and dry vermouth has now been expanded as well as “yuppi-fied” (thanks to Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha on Sex in the City) to include other types of rocket fuel (vodka, etc.) Described as “crisp” the martini has been called “as perfect as the sonnet” as well as the “elixir of quietude.” The quietude quote makes sense as after consuming 3 martini’s, you lose all ability to speak anyway, which will occur after 5 lemon drops or 5 cosmos. TAXI! (cheese selection - limburger - you won't be able to taste it anyway, just bring a clothespin for your nose)
“14” (better known as a 7 and 7)
Whiskey please – did you know that Pepsi (with 2 other buyers) purchased the Seagram’s beverage division in 2000? What happens if Seagram’s production moves to a Pepsi plant? Guess we have a bunch of happy children and adults dancing in the streets!
Although in movies we see actors drinking a wide variety of cocktails, 7&7’s have appeared in the movies Mean Streets (Harvey Keitel orders one) Saturday Night Fever (how cool did Travolta look sipping a 7&7 in his white leisure suit?) Goodfellas (deNiro the Italian wannabe) as well as the Soprano’s (Jackie Aprile Jr. enjoyed a 7&7 at the Bada Bing – of course he was later shot in the head, was it for selling drugs or messing with Tony’s daughter?) as well as The Office (Casino Night episode) (cheese selection - raclette - you'll need something strong to kill the taste)
Irish Coffee
Who thought of this one? Irish whiskey, hot coffee, sugar and whipped cream? This is a drink for the elderly (which is why it appears here) Hit an “early bird” event or luncheon in small café’s and take note to what the blue hairs are drinking. We think it’s coffee – they know it’s a good way to get cocked and avoid passing out on the way back to the senior citizens complex (that’s where the coffee comes in handy) (cheese selection - American - don't waste your money, buy the store brand)
Dark & Stormy (more like a tsunami if you drink more than 4)
A British highball, if you will, contains dark rum and ginger beer over ice.
In Australia, Bundaberg rum is used – Bermuda, the Spartan’s favorite Gosling’s. Queensland actually produces a pre-mixed version (how convenient) In Bermuda, only Barritts ginger ale is used to mix this cocktail to allow “the essential bite without the burn.” Have a few of these and you’ll have another “elixir of solitude” on your hands, not to mention a good headache (this is where the term Pub Crawl came from, too many of these and you can’t walk anyway) (cheese selection - muenster. Why? Why not?)
Always remember, when serving cheese with your favorite beverage there are no rights or wrongs. Usually by the time you start consuming your cheese selection you are drunk and can't taste it anyway, rather, you eat it because you have this warped notion that the cheese will absorb some of the alcohol, which just ain't so. Rule of thumb when consuming alcohol, if you've had a good day at work, consume only one drink per hour to allow your body to process the alcohol. Better yet, go to the Villa and order some food - it won't stay in your stomach very long anyway.
There you have it. If your favorite cocktail has been missed, my apologies.
