HOW TO FIND THE BATHROOM IN A FOREIGN LAND

THERE YOU ARE, IN FRANCE, JAPAN, MAYBE EVEN SPAIN, AND YOU NEED TO PERFORM BODILY FUNCTIONS. THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU DON'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE (no speakalie da ingalee as they say in local food stores when you ask a question like "do these oranges have seeds in them?)

WELL FOSSIL SPARTAN'S, IN CASE YOU'RE RUNNING LOW ON DEPENDS AND HAVE SEVERAL DAYS LEFT TO YOUR VACATION, I AM LISTING A FEW HANDY PHRASES JUST FOR YOU WHEN "MOTHER NATURE CALLS" AND THERE ARE NO DENSE BUSHES OR WOODS HANDY:

IF YOU ARE IN SPAIN - DONDE ESTA EL BANO?

IF YOU ARE IN FRANCE (WITH JEAN PAUL) - OU SONT LES TOILETTES?

IF YOU ARE IN JAPAN - TOIRE WA DOKO DESU KA?

HOW ABOUT SWAHILI? - CHOO KIKO WAPI?

BETTER YET, HOW ABOUT KLINGON? - NUGDAG OH PUCHPA E?

THERE YOU HAVE IT SPARTAN'S - NEXT TIME YOU GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW - YOU'RE ALL SET! (and no poison ivy on your private parts)