PLAYOFF SEASON

"THE TIME HAS COME, THE WALRUS SAID - TO TALK OF MANY THINGS...."
AS THE END OF SOFTBALL SEASON FAST APPROACHES, YOU MAY WONDER (JUST LIKE THE DOCTOR DOES) WHERE DID THE TIME GO? WE'VE BEEN BLESSED BY A WONDERFUL NEW ENGLAND SUMMER FULL OF THE "THREE H'S - HAZY, HOT, AND HUMID"

FOR SOME SPARTANS, THIS HAS BEEN A SUMMER OF FREEDOM, ENJOYING FIREWORKS, A BLOCK PARTY, JAEGERMEISTER G'S, HEARING A JEWISH COMEDIAN RAG ON HER GRANDMOTHER, PLAYING POOL AT SOME JOINT IN LOWELL, DRINKING BEER IN THE WRONG PLACE IN LOWELL, FOSSIL CELEBRATIONS, DAYS AT THE BEACH, AND WATCHING SUE MORPH INTO SAM. SURE BEATS GOING TO SCHOOL, THAT'S FOR SURE (ALTHOUGH THIS WRITER CAN FEEL THE EYES OF HER STUDENT ADVISOR LOOKING DOWN WONDERING "WHY IS MY STUDENT WASTING THEIR TIME ON ALL OF THIS NONSENSE?" THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE DR. W. --BECAUSE I CAN! VIVA LA FREEDOM SPARTANS!

HOW WILL THE SPARTAN'S DO IN THE PLAYOFFS?
WILL THEY GRAB ANOTHER TROPHY?
WHAT KIND OF PIZZA WILL THEY ORDER AT THE SWILLA???

STAY TUNED......

THE SWEAR JAR - CLICK HERE

HOW MUCH MONEY DID THEY MAKE?

TURTLES SLIDE RULE

SAID THE TORTISE TO THE HOLLY "YOU'RE OUT" AND THEN PROCLAIMS "SLIDE RULE"
WTF EACH AND EVERY SPARTAN SAID - BUT LOOK WHAT'S BEEN FOUND.....(FOR MORE RULES, CLICK ON THE TITLE ABOVE)

11. SAFETY SLIDE: The safety slide rule is in effect, and will be enforced at the umpire’s discretion, i.e. where a close play exists at a base, and sliding is necessary to provide safety. Plays at first base are the only exception to the safety slide rule"

AT THE TURTLE'S DISCRETION? HOW COULD HE SEE THE PLAY OVER HIS BELLY I ASK? IF HE CALLED THAT ONE, HOW DID HE MISS THE HOLLY SMACKING THE BEE-HIND OF THE SLOW RUNNER APPROACHING FIRST BASE - 6 STEPS BEFORE THE BAG AND CALL HER SAFE?

I SAY ROLL THE TURTLE INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

The Spartan’s celebrate July 4 as Independence Day because it was on July 4, 1776, that members of the Second Continental Congress, meeting in Philadelphia, adopted the final draft of the Declaration of Spartan Independence.
Over time, various other summertime activities also came to be associated with the Fourth of July, including trips to Maine for afternoon booze cruises on the Spartania, horse shoes, bacci, picnics, and trips for “Spartan afternoon Tea.” Common foods include beer, hot dogs, beer, hamburgers, beer, burnt steak a la Carlotta, beer, corn on the cob, beer, clambakes, and even beer.

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776 (later updated in 2008)
The unanimous Declaration of the Spartan’s of Wayland - excerpt

When in the Course of Spartan events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the softball bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of Spartankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Spartans are created equal, that they are endowed by their Team Sponsor with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Winning Softball Games. — That to secure these rights, The Spartan Group are instituted among the league, deriving their just powers from the consent of Lentros Engineering, — That whenever any Form of Softball becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Spartan’s to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new rules, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

ANOTHER TRIP WITH AUNTIE FLO

Why is it that everywhere I travel, Auntie Flo always comes with me? Is it because she is a travel buff, or just a pain in the butt?

When I think of all the places my Auntie Flo has gone with me, it makes me shiver. Although I don't remember, I bet she went to my high school prom with me. She's been on business trips to Sausalito, London, Houston, North Carolina, even Michigan (I didn't want to go there - BUT SHE DID, SO WE WENT)

Auntie Flo has been all through the Eastern Caribbean, Western Caribbean, 2 Islands in Hawaii, as well as the east and gulf coast of Florida.

Auntie Flo has played softball - fast pitch & slow pitch, gone swimming all along the Eastern sea board, jet skiing in the US and where else? In the Caribbean, she snorkels, rides a motorcycle, a pedal cycle, tennis, volleyball - OYE cut the crap would ya?

And she likes to fly - Auntie Flo has been on Delta, US Airways, Jet Blue (her favorite) American, Pan Am, British Airways, even Aloha Air (god rest their soul)

And tomorrow, it's me and Auntie Flo - off to the "Big Apple" which is now the "sour apple" thankfully on Jet Blue

GIMME A BREAK AUNTIE FLO - I'M A FRIGGIN FOSSIL, A CARD CARRYING MEMBER OF AARP - BACK THE "F" OFF WILL YA????

DENISE GRAHAM JD,RN-"ANATOMICALLY WE ALL HAVE THE SAME SH$%!

JUST CLICK THE TITLE AND LET THE PAGE DO THE TALKING.......SO MUCH FOR THE BIRDS AND THE BEES AS WELL AS NUTS, TACKLEBERRIES, AND JUBBLIES (the doctor was kind on this faux pas indeed)

DENISE...WHEN FOLLOWING THIS LINK, I'D LIKE TO SUGGEST THAT YOU VISIT BOTH THE MALE AND FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE SECTIONS. I KIND OF NOTICED A FEW DIFFERENCES - BUT WHAT WOULD I KNOW? I SELL BOLOGNA FOR A LIVING.....

SPECIAL FOSSIL BIRTHDAY SONG - CLICK HERE!

Time to rally fellow Fossils - WE CAN DO THIS!

NEW FOSSIL INTERVIEW - SEE IT HERE FIRST!

HOT OFF THE PRESS! JUST CLICK THE TITLE AND YE SHALL RECEIVE -

Frankly, I'm not so sure that these soon to be Fossils are taking this entire half century thing seriously, but I am not here to judge, only to share.......(how long will it be before you tube cancels my account? Let's face it - it's only going downhill from here on in)

Support Jen Sommerman & Ovarian Cancer Research

On a serious note...
Jenn heads out to Israel soon for the first of four Triathlons to raise money for Ovarian Cancer Research. Any donations, big or small will help Jenn to achieve her $15,000 fund raising goal. With your help, she'll make it.

Donations are just a click away - no matter how big or small, every penny counts!

JUST CLICK ON THE HEADER AND OFF YOU GO!

These are a Few of the Spartan's Favorite Things

“Chateau Cardboard”
The first brainstorm to dump wine in a box came from a South Australian named Tom Angove, a wine maker who must have been bored, or simply could not afford bottles and corks. Needless to say, Mr. Angove received a patent for his “idea” in April of 1965 . In Australia, it’s known as a “goon” which makes it's comsumer's goonies....(cheese selection - Velveeta or Cheese Whiz)

Beer
Did you know that Beer is the world’s oldest and most popular alcoholic beverage? And what variety! Ale, lager, pale, dark, and just plain old rot-gut (Red Dog is a fine example of the latter) And much like Chateau Cardboard, someone had the warped idea to package in small bottles before moving up to keg sized bombs. Thankfully it has not been packaged in cardboard just yet. (cheese selection - pretzels)

Martini
What used to be a succulent blend of gin and dry vermouth has now been expanded as well as “yuppi-fied” (thanks to Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha on Sex in the City) to include other types of rocket fuel (vodka, etc.) Described as “crisp” the martini has been called “as perfect as the sonnet” as well as the “elixir of quietude.” The quietude quote makes sense as after consuming 3 martini’s, you lose all ability to speak anyway, which will occur after 5 lemon drops or 5 cosmos. TAXI! (cheese selection - limburger - you won't be able to taste it anyway, just bring a clothespin for your nose)

“14” (better known as a 7 and 7)
Whiskey please – did you know that Pepsi (with 2 other buyers) purchased the Seagram’s beverage division in 2000? What happens if Seagram’s production moves to a Pepsi plant? Guess we have a bunch of happy children and adults dancing in the streets!
Although in movies we see actors drinking a wide variety of cocktails, 7&7’s have appeared in the movies Mean Streets (Harvey Keitel orders one) Saturday Night Fever (how cool did Travolta look sipping a 7&7 in his white leisure suit?) Goodfellas (deNiro the Italian wannabe) as well as the Soprano’s (Jackie Aprile Jr. enjoyed a 7&7 at the Bada Bing – of course he was later shot in the head, was it for selling drugs or messing with Tony’s daughter?) as well as The Office (Casino Night episode) (cheese selection - raclette - you'll need something strong to kill the taste)

Irish Coffee
Who thought of this one? Irish whiskey, hot coffee, sugar and whipped cream? This is a drink for the elderly (which is why it appears here) Hit an “early bird” event or luncheon in small café’s and take note to what the blue hairs are drinking. We think it’s coffee – they know it’s a good way to get cocked and avoid passing out on the way back to the senior citizens complex (that’s where the coffee comes in handy) (cheese selection - American - don't waste your money, buy the store brand)

Dark & Stormy (more like a tsunami if you drink more than 4)
A British highball, if you will, contains dark rum and ginger beer over ice.
In Australia, Bundaberg rum is used – Bermuda, the Spartan’s favorite Gosling’s. Queensland actually produces a pre-mixed version (how convenient) In Bermuda, only Barritts ginger ale is used to mix this cocktail to allow “the essential bite without the burn.” Have a few of these and you’ll have another “elixir of solitude” on your hands, not to mention a good headache (this is where the term Pub Crawl came from, too many of these and you can’t walk anyway) (cheese selection - muenster. Why? Why not?)

Always remember, when serving cheese with your favorite beverage there are no rights or wrongs. Usually by the time you start consuming your cheese selection you are drunk and can't taste it anyway, rather, you eat it because you have this warped notion that the cheese will absorb some of the alcohol, which just ain't so. Rule of thumb when consuming alcohol, if you've had a good day at work, consume only one drink per hour to allow your body to process the alcohol. Better yet, go to the Villa and order some food - it won't stay in your stomach very long anyway.

There you have it. If your favorite cocktail has been missed, my apologies.

THE SPARTAN HIT CHART FROM 2005 !

I've got a HEMATOMA
The size of Oklahoma
You'll never hit a homer,
With a HEMATOMA

(chorus)
HEMATOMA - HEMATOMA
And when you're through, you'll be black and blue
And in a coma.....
(you sang it out loud, didn't you?)

WOMAN PICKED UP BY I.N.S. FOR BAD DRIVING AT F-1

reuters international, May 12, 2008
A woman who resides in Northbridge was taken from her home Monday evening for poor driving habits at F-1 in Braintree, MA. and returned (postage due) to the UK.

The alleged poor driving incident took place on May 10th. After being warned several times by racing officials to get her pokey butt out of the way, the woman, only known as "Jo" heeded all warnings given by track personnel.

Upon arrival in the UK, Queen Elizabeth was quoted as saying "Bollocks - Just what we need, another rotten driver"

In an interview with ex presidential candidate Mitt Romney, his stance on bad drivers in Massachusetts were quite clear "She should be locked up and the key thrown away"

Ms. "Jo" could not be reached for comment.

SPARTAN'S AND NEW FOSSILS TAKE TO THE TRACK AT F-1

F-1 Braintree is the place where we welcome in a new gaggle of "FOSSILS"
Fossils (from Latin fossus, literally "having been dug up") are the mineralized or otherwise preserved remains or traces (such as old bats, gloves, or cleats) of old softball players, Rindge party-goers, old ladies that hang out at Morn's and the Villa, and other organisms. The totality of fossils, both discovered and undiscovered, and their placement in fossiliferous (fossil-containing) alcohol formations and sedimentary layers is known as the Spartan fossil record.

The study of fossils across sporting time, how they were formed, and the evolutionary relationships between taxa (phylogeny) are some of the most important functions of the science of fossil Spartantology.
The relative geological time scale, as developed during the visit to Cooperstown, is based largely on the fossil content of the softball field on Bradford Street in Wayland. The development of radiometric dating techniques in the early 20th century allowed Spartantologists to determine Fossils range in age from the relatively recent TO several thousands of days in age to those of the Lentros era several billions of years old.(S-Dean-a-saurous Rex is a good example of several billions of years old)(In case you were wondering)

Fossils vary in size from pint size (little Dude) to gigantic (no comment.) A fossil normally preserves only a portion of the deceased organism, usually that portion that was partially mummified during life due to drinking too much cheap wine and poor dietary habits. Preservation of soft tissue is exquisitely rare in the Spartan Fossil.
So now you know - and hopefully you'll be able to step on the gas with your FOSSILIZED limbs.....

THE POLLS ARE CLOSED AND RESULTS ARE IN!

THANK YOU to anyone who voted in our first opinion poll
Voting was light - and the survey is complete.

50% of you feel that Sue will make Sally cry between 11-20 times
33% said at least 10 times
and one bold Spartan said over 100 times. YIKES! Are there enough games for this to happen?????

HELPFUL HINTS FROM THE DOCTOR

Is there a topic that you wish to know more about? Helpful hints about getting grass stains out of your uniform? How many Rolaid's it takes to counter act the food at the Villa? Is Molly really installing a Chinese - Style toilet in her home? Need advice on softball etiquette? Does Vino in a box really give you curly hair? Will Mrs. Smitty and Helen continue to cheer for the Spartan's?THIS IS THE PLACE TO ASK!