CATS ON A TREADMILL - LOL

JUST CLICK ON THE TITLE FOR A LAUGH!

WHAT HAPPENED PATRIOTS?

38-13 AGAINST MIAMI?????

WELL, IT WAS STILL A NICE DAY TO BE HUMBLED OUTSIDE, A BEAUTIFUL WARM, SUNNY DAY AND NOT A CLOUD IN THE SKY.
AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO BEAT UP ON MATT CASSEL, THIS SPARTAN KNOWS THAT MATT SHOWED UP, AND THE DEFENSE STAYED HOME WITH TOM BRADY. SO MUCH FOR SQUISHING ANY FISH

AND YES, MY $5.00 ICED DUNKIN DONUTS COFFEE WAS DELICIOUS (THANK YOU FOR ASKING)

WHERE EXACTLY DID THE WARM WEATHER GO?

I REALIZE THAT THERE ARE MANY LOVERS OF FALL, BUT FOR THIS SPARTAN, I'M LONGING FOR A SUNNY HOT AND HUMID DAY. I'M MISSING THE BEACH, I'M MISSING LITTLE GNATS BUZZING AROUND MY EARS, AND I'M TOTALLY MISSING SMELLING LIKE A GOAT AFTER BEING OUTSIDE FOR MORE THAN 4 HOURS.

I'M ALSO FEELING LIKE I NEED A VACATION - NOT BECAUSE I'M TIRED, NOR OVERDUE -BUT EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND, SOMEONE IS GOING AWAY, AND THAT SOMEONE IS NOT ME!

FIRST IT WAS MORRY, USING THE OLD WORK EXCUSE AND RUNNING OF TO COLORADO, THEN CHINA, AND I DO BELIEVE ONE OF THE CAROLINAS. THEN CAROLYN HAS TO JUMP IN AND DECIDE TO JET OFF TO SCOTLAND (WHERE SHE WILL HOPEFULLY FIND THIS SPARTAN A PLAID SHOTGLASS TO ADD TO THE GALLERY) INSULT TO INJURY CAME WHEN I WAS LEFT HOLDING THE BAG (OR SHOULD I SAY CAT?) WHILE AMY MCQUEENIE DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO GO CAMPING IN HER NEW SPIFFY LITTLE RV. WHEN A DOG GETS TO GO TO ACADIA TO CAMP, AND A SPARTAN IS LEFT HOME CAT SITTING FOR THE LITTLE SISTER, YOU HAVE TO SCRATCH YOUR HEAD AND SAY "YIKES"

GO AHEAD ALL YOU SPARTAN'S - ABANDON ME - SEE IF I CARE - I'LL CRY OVER COFFEE WITH GINGER (WHO WILL WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME EXCEPT TO HAVE ME CLEAN HER LITTER BOX, FEED HER, AND LET HER OUT WHICH SHE CANNOT DO)

BUT IT'S OK, I'LL BE FINE, EVEN THOUGH I'LL JUST SIT AND WALLOW IN MY SORROW ON SUNDAY IN FOXBORO, WATCHING MATT CASSEL WIPE MIAMI'S BUTT ALL OVER FOXBORO, SPENDING MY 296 IN "POINTS" THAT WERE EARNED IN THE IBM POOL, KNOWING THAT WHEN I COME HOME FROM THE GAME MY TWO FUZZY LITTLE CHILDREN WILL GREET ME, AND I SHALL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL THAT THEY DID NOT DECIDE TO GO ON VACATION WITH OUT ME! (THEY WOULDN'T HAVE ANYONE TO FEED THEM OR CLEAN THEIR LITTER BOXES....THEY'RE NO DOPES!)

SNIFF, SNIFF, WALLOW, WALLOW, I HOPE EVERYONE IS HAVING A GOOD TIME...........

Bon Voyage To Summer

It’s Labor Day Once Again -
Did you know that this national legal holiday is over 100 hundred years old? Throughout this time period, Labor Day has evolved from a labor union celebration to the “final fling of summer” party.

In the late 1800’s, a parade began in New York to honor the working class. Today, employed or unemployed, Spartan’s from all over New England will be celebrating from Natick, and as far north as Maine. It wil be a day of eating, drinking, volleyball, bad singing, as well as just being a “merry” Spartan.

Labor day reminds us that the cool days of fall are fast approaching. In just 6 short days the NFL season opens up. Back to long pants, sweaters, and spending your retirement money on home heating bills as well as gambling away each week on your favorite NFL team.

Due to the chilly temps, I can’t say it’s this Spartan’s favorite time of year, but there’s not much that I can do except for move to Aruba.

SEASON OVER - OFF TO FOOTBALL

ALTHOUGH A GALANT EFFORT WAS MADE BY THE SPARTAN'S, THEY WERE KNOCKED OUT OF THE PLAYOFF ROSTER, WHICH BRINGS END END TO YET ANOTHER SPARTAN SEASON.

CHINESE COACH MORRY POSITIONED HER GALS IN THE FIELD TO FEND OFF THOSE NASTY SHARK FLIES - BUT ALAS, SOME WENT WAY TO DEEP. THERE WERE GREAT DOUBLE PLAYS - SINGLE PLAYS - THROUGHOUT THE GAME YOU COULD HEAR HOLLY'S GLOVE GETTING WHACKED BY THROWS FROM THE INFIELD. THE SPARTAN'S DID A GREAT JOB, AND IT WAS A GREAT GAME TO WATCH.

THE DOCTOR SENDS REGRETS TO THE MESS IN THE GAME BOOK FOR THE FIRST FEW INNINGS - SOMEDAY, I SHALL LEARN TO KEEP A BOOK (after all these years, how novel!)

AND NOW IT'S OFF TO FOOTBALL!
THE OFFICIAL POOL OF THE SPARTAN'S, HOSTED ONCE AGAIN BY MS PEVERADA. SIGN UP TODAY - IT'S THE BEST FUN FOR FIVE BUCKS A WEEK YOU'LL EVER HAVE

DON'T FORGET - PATRIOTS LAST PRE-SEASON GAME IS 8/22 - FRIDAY NIGHT - AND THEN IT'S OFF TO REGULAR GAMES ON SEPTEMBER 7TH!

GREAT SEASON SPARTAN'S - YOU DON'T NEED A TROPHY TO KNOW YOU'RE THE BEST!

HOW TO FIND THE BATHROOM IN A FOREIGN LAND

THERE YOU ARE, IN FRANCE, JAPAN, MAYBE EVEN SPAIN, AND YOU NEED TO PERFORM BODILY FUNCTIONS. THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU DON'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE (no speakalie da ingalee as they say in local food stores when you ask a question like "do these oranges have seeds in them?)

WELL FOSSIL SPARTAN'S, IN CASE YOU'RE RUNNING LOW ON DEPENDS AND HAVE SEVERAL DAYS LEFT TO YOUR VACATION, I AM LISTING A FEW HANDY PHRASES JUST FOR YOU WHEN "MOTHER NATURE CALLS" AND THERE ARE NO DENSE BUSHES OR WOODS HANDY:

IF YOU ARE IN SPAIN - DONDE ESTA EL BANO?

IF YOU ARE IN FRANCE (WITH JEAN PAUL) - OU SONT LES TOILETTES?

IF YOU ARE IN JAPAN - TOIRE WA DOKO DESU KA?

HOW ABOUT SWAHILI? - CHOO KIKO WAPI?

BETTER YET, HOW ABOUT KLINGON? - NUGDAG OH PUCHPA E?

THERE YOU HAVE IT SPARTAN'S - NEXT TIME YOU GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW - YOU'RE ALL SET! (and no poison ivy on your private parts)

PROTECTIVE WEAR FOR SPORTS

SORRY, BUT YOU ALL KNEW THE TOPIC WOULD COME UP AT SOME POINT IN TIME

YES, THIS IS ABOUT ATHLETIC PROTECTIVE WEAR - BETTER KNOWN AS A "CUP"

WHY IS IT THAT THIS CRAFTY LITTLE DEVICE WAS MADE TO PROTECT MEN FROM INJURING THEIR YOU KNOW WHATS? WHAT THIS SPARTAN WANTS TO KNOW IS WHY IS THERE NO PROTECTIVE WEAR FOR WOMEN?

I UNDERSTAND THAT WE DON'T HAVE "THOSE PARTS" THAT STICK OUT - HOWEVER.....
WHY ISN'T THERE A BIKE RIDING DEVICE FOR YOUNG GIRLS THAT RIDE A BOYS BIKE? CAN YOU HONESTLY TELL ME THAT IN ALL OF YOUR TIME ON THIS PLANET THAT YOU'VE NEVER TAKEN A SPILL ON THE BAR AND TAKEN A DIRECT HIT?

WHAT ABOUT SOME TYPE OF CHEST PROTECTOR? I'M NOT SAYING THAT WE'D NEED ARMOUR LIKE THE TURTLE WEARS, MERELY SOME PADDING TO PROTECT THE TWINS. THINK ABOUT IT - A SOLID LINE DRIVE THAT YOU MISS, OR A HIGH FLY BALL THAT YOU MISS AND SMACK! RIGHT IN THE CHEST (LINDA IS SMART - SHE CATCHES FLY BALLS WITH HER EYE) NOW CONSIDER THIS "HIT" IF YOU WILL WITH A BIT OF PMS GOING ON (WELL, OK, REMEMBER WHAT IT WOULD HAVE FELT LIKE?)

ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT MUCH LIKE ALL THE DRUGS ON THE MARKET FOR MALE ENHANCEMENT, THE GIRLY BODY HAS BEEN LEFT UNPROTECTED FOREVER.

MAYBE AFTER MY ATHLETIC PRODUCT IS COMPLETE, I'LL WORK ON A LINE OF GIRLY PROTECTION!

PLAYOFF UPDATE - BEAT THOSE "M-F'ERS GIRLS"

THE SOFTBALL GODS KEPT AN EYE ON THEIR DARLING SPARTAN'S LAST THURSDAY EVENING, PROTECTING THEM FROM EVIL ONCE AGAIN AS THE SHARKS SUFFERED THE BLOW OF ALL BLOWS - LOSING TO THE SPARTAN'S.

IT'S NOT THAT IT WAS A BLOW OUT GAME - NO MERCY RULE - NO CANS OF WHOOP ASS; RATHER, THE SIMPLE FACT THAT THE LENTRO'S LADIES WON BY A MERE POINT. HOW GOOD IS THAT? IT'S AS GOOD AS IT GETS.

ANGRY SWARMS OF SHARKS HAVE BEEN CITED ALL AROUND THE METRO WEST AREA, CONSUMING PIZZA AND BEER, AS WELL AS THE GAME BALL FROM LAST THURSDAY EVENINGS GAME. IT IS ALSO RUMORED THAT THE PITCHER - CATHY, CARRIE (GOT ANY PIGS BLOOD IN A BUCKET?) CASEY - WHAT EVER HER NAME IS HAS VISITED SEVERAL NURSING HOMES AND BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF DEFENSELESS SENIOR CITIZENS TO TAKE OUT HER FRUSTRATIONS. WAA WAA WAA

WHAT WILL BE THE OUTCOME OF THIS WEEKS UPCOMING GAME?
FROM MY PERSPECTIVE - I'D LOVE TO SEE THE LENTRO'S LADIES WIN NOT BECAUSE OF GREED, OR TO BE ABLE TO SHOUT "THE SPARTAN'S BEAT THOSE EVIL M-EFFERS, NOT AT ALL. IT'S MORE TO PROVE TO THESE YOUNGSTERS THAT IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT WINNING. IT'S ABOUT BEING THE BEST THAT YOU CAN AND BEING ABLE TO TAKE COMFORT IN THE FACT THAT YOU TRIED YOUR VERY BEST AND THAT YOU WORKED AS A TEAM. IT'S NOT ABOUT THE "RINGERS" THAT YOU BROUGHT IN WHO, EVEN WHEN YOU MULTIPLY THEIR AGE BY 2, YOU STILL HAVEN'T REACHED SPARTAN AGE. LIKE FINE WINE, THE VINTAGE OF THE SPARTAN'S CANNOT BE MATCHED. AND THE OLDER THEY GET, THE BETTER THEY BECOME.

MUCH LIKE THE DAYS OF OLD WHEN THE EVIL BLAZERS TERRORIZED THE LEAGUE - WERE THERE SOME GREAT PLAYERS ON THIS TEAM? YES THERE WERE - BUT THE TALENT ON THE FIELD TRAVELED WITH A GIANT CLOUD OVER HEAD WITH THEIR AWFUL ATTITUDES ALONG WITH THEIR LACK OF SPORTSMANSHIP. FAIL TO GET ON BASE - YOU'RE OUTTA THE GAME - POOF. AND WHERE ARE THE BLAZERS NOW? WHO CARES.....

DO STOP BY AT 6:45 P.M. TUESDAY NIGHT AS EVIL SUE TAKES CONTROL OF THE MOUND WEARING HER LUCKY SOX, THE FAITHFUL FANS WILL BE CHEERING FROM THE BLEACHERS AS COACH WALTERS PUTS HER STRATEGY ON THE FIELD INTO MOTION WHILE THEIR BATS CAUSE A COMMOTION!

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, THE PRIDE AND THE SPIRIT OF THE SPARTAN FAMILY WILL CARRY ON BECAUSE....

WIN OR LOSE - THEY WILL DRINK THE BOOZE!

ROYAL CARIBBEAN'S FLOW RIDER - CLICK HERE

SEE SOME GOOD - AND NOT SO GOOD SURFING ON A GIGUNDO CRUISE SHIP! HOW COOL WOULD THIS BE IF IT WERE IN GEORGE'S BARN? DO YOU THINK PETER WOULD BUY ALL HIS SPARTAN SURFER GIRLS THIS GREAT TOY? (especially where nobody knows how to play the 20k+ piano?)

PLAYOFF SEASON

"THE TIME HAS COME, THE WALRUS SAID - TO TALK OF MANY THINGS...."
AS THE END OF SOFTBALL SEASON FAST APPROACHES, YOU MAY WONDER (JUST LIKE THE DOCTOR DOES) WHERE DID THE TIME GO? WE'VE BEEN BLESSED BY A WONDERFUL NEW ENGLAND SUMMER FULL OF THE "THREE H'S - HAZY, HOT, AND HUMID"

FOR SOME SPARTANS, THIS HAS BEEN A SUMMER OF FREEDOM, ENJOYING FIREWORKS, A BLOCK PARTY, JAEGERMEISTER G'S, HEARING A JEWISH COMEDIAN RAG ON HER GRANDMOTHER, PLAYING POOL AT SOME JOINT IN LOWELL, DRINKING BEER IN THE WRONG PLACE IN LOWELL, FOSSIL CELEBRATIONS, DAYS AT THE BEACH, AND WATCHING SUE MORPH INTO SAM. SURE BEATS GOING TO SCHOOL, THAT'S FOR SURE (ALTHOUGH THIS WRITER CAN FEEL THE EYES OF HER STUDENT ADVISOR LOOKING DOWN WONDERING "WHY IS MY STUDENT WASTING THEIR TIME ON ALL OF THIS NONSENSE?" THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE DR. W. --BECAUSE I CAN! VIVA LA FREEDOM SPARTANS!

HOW WILL THE SPARTAN'S DO IN THE PLAYOFFS?
WILL THEY GRAB ANOTHER TROPHY?
WHAT KIND OF PIZZA WILL THEY ORDER AT THE SWILLA???

STAY TUNED......

THE SWEAR JAR - CLICK HERE

HOW MUCH MONEY DID THEY MAKE?

TURTLES SLIDE RULE

SAID THE TORTISE TO THE HOLLY "YOU'RE OUT" AND THEN PROCLAIMS "SLIDE RULE"
WTF EACH AND EVERY SPARTAN SAID - BUT LOOK WHAT'S BEEN FOUND.....(FOR MORE RULES, CLICK ON THE TITLE ABOVE)

11. SAFETY SLIDE: The safety slide rule is in effect, and will be enforced at the umpire’s discretion, i.e. where a close play exists at a base, and sliding is necessary to provide safety. Plays at first base are the only exception to the safety slide rule"

AT THE TURTLE'S DISCRETION? HOW COULD HE SEE THE PLAY OVER HIS BELLY I ASK? IF HE CALLED THAT ONE, HOW DID HE MISS THE HOLLY SMACKING THE BEE-HIND OF THE SLOW RUNNER APPROACHING FIRST BASE - 6 STEPS BEFORE THE BAG AND CALL HER SAFE?

I SAY ROLL THE TURTLE INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

The Spartan’s celebrate July 4 as Independence Day because it was on July 4, 1776, that members of the Second Continental Congress, meeting in Philadelphia, adopted the final draft of the Declaration of Spartan Independence.
Over time, various other summertime activities also came to be associated with the Fourth of July, including trips to Maine for afternoon booze cruises on the Spartania, horse shoes, bacci, picnics, and trips for “Spartan afternoon Tea.” Common foods include beer, hot dogs, beer, hamburgers, beer, burnt steak a la Carlotta, beer, corn on the cob, beer, clambakes, and even beer.

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776 (later updated in 2008)
The unanimous Declaration of the Spartan’s of Wayland - excerpt

When in the Course of Spartan events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the softball bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of Spartankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Spartans are created equal, that they are endowed by their Team Sponsor with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Winning Softball Games. — That to secure these rights, The Spartan Group are instituted among the league, deriving their just powers from the consent of Lentros Engineering, — That whenever any Form of Softball becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Spartan’s to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new rules, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

ANOTHER TRIP WITH AUNTIE FLO

Why is it that everywhere I travel, Auntie Flo always comes with me? Is it because she is a travel buff, or just a pain in the butt?

When I think of all the places my Auntie Flo has gone with me, it makes me shiver. Although I don't remember, I bet she went to my high school prom with me. She's been on business trips to Sausalito, London, Houston, North Carolina, even Michigan (I didn't want to go there - BUT SHE DID, SO WE WENT)

Auntie Flo has been all through the Eastern Caribbean, Western Caribbean, 2 Islands in Hawaii, as well as the east and gulf coast of Florida.

Auntie Flo has played softball - fast pitch & slow pitch, gone swimming all along the Eastern sea board, jet skiing in the US and where else? In the Caribbean, she snorkels, rides a motorcycle, a pedal cycle, tennis, volleyball - OYE cut the crap would ya?

And she likes to fly - Auntie Flo has been on Delta, US Airways, Jet Blue (her favorite) American, Pan Am, British Airways, even Aloha Air (god rest their soul)

And tomorrow, it's me and Auntie Flo - off to the "Big Apple" which is now the "sour apple" thankfully on Jet Blue

GIMME A BREAK AUNTIE FLO - I'M A FRIGGIN FOSSIL, A CARD CARRYING MEMBER OF AARP - BACK THE "F" OFF WILL YA????

DENISE GRAHAM JD,RN-"ANATOMICALLY WE ALL HAVE THE SAME SH$%!

JUST CLICK THE TITLE AND LET THE PAGE DO THE TALKING.......SO MUCH FOR THE BIRDS AND THE BEES AS WELL AS NUTS, TACKLEBERRIES, AND JUBBLIES (the doctor was kind on this faux pas indeed)

DENISE...WHEN FOLLOWING THIS LINK, I'D LIKE TO SUGGEST THAT YOU VISIT BOTH THE MALE AND FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE SECTIONS. I KIND OF NOTICED A FEW DIFFERENCES - BUT WHAT WOULD I KNOW? I SELL BOLOGNA FOR A LIVING.....